13 Apr 01

It's been raining for almost two weeks now.

Two weeks.

Rivers have flooded. Roads have washed away. The skies seem to be crying with me...and the destruction seems to reflect my soul.

But it's not raining today. The sun is finally making an appearance...and, if I didn't know any better, I'd think the beautiful day was also trying to represent my future.

Because today I feel happy. Maybe it's because of the sun. Maybe it's because of the warmth. Or maybe it's because of the love I've finally found.

Maybe it's that bumblebee...that bumblebee which has suddenly grabbed my full attention.

Bumblebees have always held a fascination for me.

Look at her.

They're so odd.

It's almost ungainly as it tries to fly around. It doesn't really seem to float or even to fly with any grace. It's like a big jumbo jet...it just doesn't look right when it flies.

By all appearances, it should just fall right out of the sky. But it doesn't. It defies logic...it defies sensibilities...and it keeps on flying.

It buzzes around so loudly. What else in the world makes so much noise when it gathers food?

She is impossibly far from me now, but her buzzing crosses the distance. I can still hear her.

Such an amazing bee.

Sometimes when she flies close by I feel a tinge of apprehension...what if she stings me?

But this bee will never sting me...she's just working hard to stay in flight...gathering food.

She has such a beautiful backdrop. You never find bumblebees in dark, oppressive forests. They're always flying free in open, bright, glorious fields, surrounded my vibrant flowers and the warmth of the sun.

Even despite the recent rains, this bumblebee makes me happy with its odd uniqueness and natural defiance.

I seem to connect with this bumblebee.

She has been punished by the rain, also. She cannot fly when it rains. She cannot gather food when the flowers are all closed. The rain and the floods and the destruction nearly kill her...she needs freedom and flight to survive.

And I'm sure that today, as she buzzes loudly amid the flowers, she feels like it rained almost forever. I'm sure she thought she would never fly again.

But there she is...alighted on a flower...buzzing around now...despite...or maybe, to spite the rain.

Yes, I see myself in this bumblebee.

But I must ensure that I also learn from this bumblebee. It's been raining on me for two weeks...but the pain that has been made more evident by the rain has been around for nearly ten years.

And now the rain is subsiding, and the sun is once again warming my soul.

I survived.

I made it through the rain...through the pain.

Now, like the bumblebee, I've got to fly.

It's not enough for the rain to stop...I've got to get out and continue to be free.

The rain repressed my freedom, but now I can fly once again.

But only if I recognize the change in the weather and what it means to me. I've got to embrace the sun and fly to the flowers.

The bumblebee will always live...as long as it continues to fly and be free.

The flight of the bumblebee.

I will embrace the sun.

I will fly.

I will be a bumblebee...ungainly, unique, free and beautiful.

It's what God wants.

It's what I want.

Love is so liberating.

(c) 2001 Me

[Safety] [The Room] [The Trail] [Cool Summer] [Achievement] [Valkyries' Last Ride]
[Infinity] [The Eagle] [Spring Sunday] [Astray] [The Bumblebee] [Plastic Toy Soldiers]

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